It took me awhile to even find it.
If I’m honest, I wasn’t even looking for it. I was looking for a novel.
I’d found a 30 minute window for some mommy time, and I hoped reading would lead to napping.
As I began to reflect over the last few days I realized I hadn’t opened its pages in almost a week.
I felt a bit troubled.
It didn’t seem like I’d neglected the Word in all of this. The water breaking. The rush to the hospital. The heavy contractions. The spinal that just wouldn’t go in. The c section that seemingly lasted for hours. The recovery. The wee hours. Hadn’t I read the Word?
Hadn’t I taken the time to open its pages and seek?
It was if flashes of an upcoming movie begin to fill my mind.
Jesus when I was scared.
Father when I was in pain.
Holy Spirit in the peace of the night.
Within every thread of this birth I could feel and see Him….present.
At times we cling to the written word of God, more desperately and consistently than we do the presence of God. As a pastor friend once said , “To honor the Word of God higher than the person of God is idolatry. ”
Interestingly enough, although I’d heard this and deep down believed this, I fought the feeling of condemnation I felt for not having read my bible in almost an entire week.
Until, I acknowledged that THE WORD was present each and every moment of this delivery and continues to be in this recovery.
“In the beginning the Word already existed. The Word was with God, and the Word was God.”
Jon 1:1 lets us know that the Word has ALWAYS Been. The WORD was not only with, in, and operating in cooperation alongside God….the word WAS God. Jesus…the person of the Word has always been and will always be. Reading the written word is simply a pathway to His presence. Yet, His presence is too big to only have the ability to meet us through the way of the written Word. He reveals in songs. He reveals through trial. He reveals through trust. He reveals in celebration and praise. He reveals in quiet reflection or lament. He is always.
As I held my baby girl last night in the wee hours….watched her eyes open and attempt to focus as my husband and I whispered to her and marveled at her precious little form….the Word was present. I knew then what David meant when he said, “Your word have I treasured in my heart, That I may not sin against you. ” (Psalm 119:11 NASB)
Your written, spoken, revealed person I have treasured, adored, spent time with so that I won’t sin against you.
Relishing in the truth of who He is….. constantly being revealed to me and always with me. Jesus….the WORD.