Experiencing His Word

It took me awhile to even find it.
If I’m honest, I wasn’t even looking for it. I was looking for a novel.
I’d found a 30 minute window for some mommy time, and I hoped reading would lead to napping.

As I began to reflect over the last few days I realized I hadn’t opened its pages in almost a week.

Wow.

I felt a bit troubled.

It didn’t seem like I’d neglected the Word in all of this. The water breaking. The rush to the hospital. The heavy contractions. The spinal that just wouldn’t go in. The c section that seemingly lasted for hours. The recovery. The wee hours. Hadn’t I read the Word?

Hadn’t I taken the time to open its pages and seek?

It was if flashes of an upcoming movie begin to fill my mind.

Jesus when I was scared.
Father when I was in pain.
Holy Spirit in the peace of the night.

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Within every thread of this birth I could feel and see Him….present.

At times we cling to the written word of God, more desperately and consistently than we do the presence of God. As a pastor friend once said , “To honor the Word of God higher than the person of God is idolatry. ”

Interestingly enough, although I’d heard this and deep down believed this, I fought the feeling of condemnation I felt for not having read my bible in almost an entire week.

Until, I acknowledged that THE WORD was present each and every moment of this delivery and continues to be in this recovery.

“In the beginning the Word already existed. The Word was with God, and the Word was God.”

Jon 1:1 lets us know that the Word has ALWAYS Been. The WORD was not only with, in, and operating in cooperation alongside God….the word WAS God. Jesus…the person of the Word has always been and will always be. Reading the written word is simply a pathway to His presence. Yet, His presence is too big to only have the ability to meet us through the way of the written Word. He reveals in songs. He reveals through trial. He reveals through trust. He reveals in celebration and praise. He reveals in quiet reflection or lament. He is always.

As I held my baby girl last night in the wee hours….watched her eyes open and attempt to focus as my husband and I whispered to her and marveled at her precious little form….the Word was present. I knew then what David meant when he said, “Your word have I treasured in my heart, That I may not sin against you. ” (Psalm 119:11 NASB)

Your written, spoken, revealed person I have treasured, adored, spent time with so that I won’t sin against you.

Wow.

Relishing in the truth of who He is….. constantly being revealed to me and always with me. Jesus….the WORD.

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The Waiting Game

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I have a confession.

I’m not very good at waiting.

I pay very close attention to time, and I’m the type of person who likes to have a list made out for the day (even if it’s just in my brain) of tasks, goals, and the time frame I’d like to have them done.

So, picture me… the epitome of impatience….spending a total of 25 weeks of this pregnancy on bedrest…now waiting on this baby to come.

I have contractions daily.

I’ve been to the ER twice in the last week with intense contractions but very little progress.

I average a total of 3 hours of sleep per night.

I’m totally not in control of this baby girl’s arrival, and that truth is causing me to unravel.

Before now you couldn’t have told me I am a control freak. As much as I like to have a time table and make a list for everything, I’m also very spontaneous. But, like any other cluster of unforeseen, imperfect conditions, what’s in you comes to the surface.

This pregnancy has been my hardest by far. For weeks I was on bedrest hoping to keep this baby girl from arriving too soon. Now I’m walking daily in the hopes that she would hurry up and get here. Babysitters are lined up. Laundry is clean and folded. My husband is actually off work this week. In my mind, this is the PERFECT time for her arrival.

On Monday morning while tears streamed down my face as my doctor told me I was only 20% effaced despite the intense contractions….this scripture came to me.

” FOR EVERYTHING THERE IS AN APPOINTED TIME, AND AN APPROPRIATE TIME FOR EVERY ACTIVITY ON EARTH. A TIME TO BE BORN…..” {ECCLESIASTES 3:1-2A NET}

I really felt as though 2 things were happening.

1. God was reminding me that He has a sense of humor. I mean…c’mon. The first activity addressed was “A TIME TO BE BORN”. womp, womp, womp.

2. I also felt like God was correcting and aligning me with a resounding reminder that He is sovereign. While we have been given the incredible privilege of seeking and agreeing with Him in prayer, He knows best and His will takes precedence over our preference. Every. Time.

So, I continue wait. I spent a half hour or so crying this morning. And, I’ll need to cross over the caffeine limit today in order to endure a homeschool field trip this afternoon. But, it’s working for my good. My flesh has no choice but to submit to my spirit which genuinely desires to allow the characteristics of God to be prevalent even in this. Plus, baby girl gets a chance to “cook” a little while longer with less chance of issues post delivery.

Tell me….are you good at waiting?