Trust Issues

 

June has been C R A Z Y for our little family.

A car accident.

Preparing to move.

Just finishing a play after 6 weeks of rehearsal 3 times a week.

And trying to keep my 2 kiddos occupied and enjoying the summer.

Yesterday was a HARD day.  Actually, I’ve had a few HARD days this month.  But yesterday, I found myself extremely frustrated with my children.  I had to repeat instructions multiple times, my 4 year old reverted into a 2 year old with whining and meltdowns, my 8 years old told me a lie that in my being later for work. {don’t ask. Just know it was a classic boy move. Why don’t boys like to bathe?}

By the time we got into the car to fight rush hour traffic, my teeth were grinding and I wore a burdened scowl across my face.  Talk about the joy of the Lord, eh?

As the morning began today and my children were happily drumming their drumsticks against the wall {waking me from a pleasant sleep that finally came after tossing and turning all night} , I felt as if I had morphed into a dragon.  Surely, fire was coming from my ears and mouth and burning in my eyes. What a glorious way to wake up in the morning!!!

As I begrudgingly made the children’s breakfast, I began to pray errrr….let’s be real….I began to WISH in my head, that we had more resources to a) go on a family trip/vacation b) Send the kiddos to a local summer camp for at least 2 weeks .  The more I wished, the more I realized the root of my frustration.  I am frustrated that we are not able to do many things with our children that we’d like to.  I’m frustrated that this car accident and our unexpected move is forcing us to use resources we planned to use to go out of town as a family in the coming weeks.  I am frustrated that things have not gone according to my plan.  When it all boils down to it, I am wrestling with TRUST ISSUES .

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I am frustrated because I am not in control. 

There are areas in my life in which I trust the Lord completely.  But, the truth is I struggle with trusting Him as my provider.   It’s not that I think He can’t.  I struggle to believe He will. 

I struggle to believe that its just as important to Him that my children thrive, meet new friends, and enjoy their childhood. The truth is…it IS important to Him.  But perhaps the way He intends to bring this about is not in the manner in which I’ve planned.

I struggle to believe that He will bless us in our endeavor to find another home by August.  But, why wouldn’t He? Why would He WANT to see us homeless?

I struggle to believe that I can manage  the housework, my part time work, and still be a patient, loving, interactive mom to my children.  Of course I can!!! I have the Holy Spirit living inside of me, and HE IS NOT LACKING DISCIPLINE, PATIENCE OR LOVE.  But, I am.

I am wrestling with TRUST ISSUES in my walk with Christ.  I am coming face to face with the truth that until I submit my will COMPLETELY to the Lord, I will continue to struggle in this area.

Through this process I will hold on to this passage :

” Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own.  Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track.”

{Proverbs 3:5-6 MSG}

Tell me….do you have TRUST ISSUES?

 

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