Nothing — Everything : A Journey to Healing

It’s 5 am.

I’m sitting straight up in my parents bed..sweat on my back, tear stained tissue lying beside me. 

Maybe it was the onions from dinner. 

Maybe it was the emotions stirred by watching the Book Thief just before bed. 

Or maybe it’s the change of environment and the intention I brought along with me to 

slow down, hear from God, rest, and reset. 

I didn’t expect that intention to lead me back to a place of lingering hurt. 

There have been hurts in my life that I’ve dealt with head on. 

This is what it is. This is where it stems from. This is what has to be done to get over it. Very systematic and matter of fact. 

But this particular hurt is almost a year old and has been tugging at my heart randomly over the last 2 weeks. 

I had to get over it in a hurry.  There were too many things at stake.  I couldn’t afford to let it overtake me, yet it was too big to stuff in my normal I got this file and face it and fix it. 

And so…the truth is…it haunts me. 

Not daily. Not weekly. Not regularly. 

But when I’m still. 

I’m convinced this is why so many of us are afraid of silence and stillness. We busy our lives with activities,demanding jobs, good deeds, people, mindless tv, and a riveting novel …anything to keep us from having to just sit and reflect. At times the weight of things undone can be frightening.  It can be difficult to evaluate your life and take note of the leaks, holes and duct tape disasters. 

But..see…I’m on a journey to wholeness. I refuse to let the fear of confronting heavy emotions deter me from healing simply because of the intricate process I’ll have to endure to be free. 

I sat here.  Heavy with fear. Crippled by unanswered questions. Slowly drifting over from I can handle this to I want to be free. 

There was no magic wand. There was no vision of a dove. There was no writing on the wall. 

But this truth embraced me. 

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BE ANXIOUS FOR NOTHING , BUT IN EVERYTHING BY PRAYER AND SUPPLICATION WITH THANKSGIVING LET YOUR REQUESTS BE MADE KNOWN UNTO GOD. AND THE PEACE OF GOD , WHICH SURPASSES ALL COMPREHENSION, WILL GUARD YOUR HEARTS AND YOUR MINDS IN CHRIST JESUS. ” (PHILIPPIANS 4:6-7 NASB)

Anxious for nothing. 

Pray in everything. 

I love and hate this verse. {Is it ok to say hate in regards to scripture?}

It is comfort , and it is conviction. 

Because too often I lean towards my own problem-solving skills to work out things that can only be fixed and resolved by the love, truth and ability of Jesus.

My pastor said this the other week…”Natural remedies cannot resolve spiritual issues”. 

When I am too eager to hide my wounds instead of endure the healing process I in end up living in denial with only temporary relief. 

When I am willing to allow the Holy Spirit to carry me through the process of healing, it results in peace and produces fruit that remains.

I would rather plow through the illusion of resolve to experience God’s incomprehensible peace. 

Anxious in nothing. 

Pray in everything. 

One step closer to healing. 

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